Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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