Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize