if i can run in heels then i can drive
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize