He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
