I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
