If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
accomplished twins. life is a go
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
