wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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