"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
