dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She told me I should be a condom model.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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