I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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