He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
