Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
