My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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