I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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