i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
