I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
