the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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