dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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