Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm always down for nudity.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
