Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
