just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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