The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize