I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
