Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
