I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
