So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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