I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
