Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
