I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
