this beer tastes like vomit already
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
