I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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