first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
People in love make me want to vomit
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
