What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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