I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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