Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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