That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
