you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
