wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
