these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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