I think I died a long time ago.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize