So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
