Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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