Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
