It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
the night ended with taco bell and tears
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
