Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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