Screwed.edu
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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