U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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