After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
