too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
