Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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