In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
