Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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