Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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