my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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