i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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