We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
