Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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