I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
