You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my being single is dangerous.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
