my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
last night I used snow as a chaser
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
