i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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