DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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