Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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