Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
