he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
