Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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