There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
