I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
