I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize