i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
