it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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