I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
