you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize