stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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