so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
