I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
