got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize