He kissed a someone with a penis
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
