It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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