At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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