i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
