Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
