she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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