i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
