I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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