i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize