we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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