"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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