Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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