chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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