you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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