he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
