A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
