You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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