and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
