Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
