Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
