I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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