the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
