I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
