yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
