omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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