he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
