everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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