So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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