I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
