oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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