I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
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