I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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